How Do I Talk to My Siblings Without Starting a War?

Question: “My sister thinks Mom’s fine. My brother won’t even return calls. Meanwhile, I’m drowning in doctor visits, insurance paperwork, and trying to hold down a job. Every time I bring up sharing responsibilities, someone gets defensive or disappears. I’m exhausted. How do I talk to my siblings without starting World War III?”

Answer: You’re carrying more than your share, and it’s not fair, but you’re not alone. Family dynamics around aging parents are often messy. Love, guilt, distance, money, and decades-old roles collide in a pressure cooker.

I worked with a man named Derek who was the oldest of four siblings. His dad had Parkinson’s. Derek lived 10 minutes away. The others were scattered across the country. He became the default caregiver for appointments, grocery runs, and middle-of-the-night emergencies. When he asked for help, one sister said, “You’re just better at this stuff.” That sentence stuck with him like a splinter.

Why Siblings Struggle to Step Up

Sometimes it’s denial. Other times, it’s distance, discomfort, or not knowing how to help. But often, it’s that no one has ever asked them directly.

How to Move the Conversation

✔ Use facts, not feelings. “Mom had two falls this month. Her doctor recommended a walker.”

✔ Be specific. Instead of “I need help,” say “Can you call her insurance on Friday?”

✔ Don’t attack. “I’m overwhelmed” works better than “You don’t do anything.”

✔ Make it a team talk. Family meetings or group emails keep everyone in the loop.

Recommendations: These conversations aren’t easy, but they’re necessary. Use our Family Conversations Blueprint to keep the peace while building a plan that works for everyone without turning the group chat into a war zone.