Having a conversation about end-of-life wishes with a parent is never easy, but it’s one of the most important talks you’ll ever have. Avoiding it can leave you scrambling during a crisis, unsure of what your parent would want. Addressing it proactively can bring peace of mind, clarity, and even a deeper connection between you and your loved one.

Why End-of-Life Conversations Matter

End-of-life planning isn’t just about documents and decisions, it’s about honoring your parents’ values, ensuring dignity, and preventing unnecessary suffering or family conflict. When wishes are known in advance, medical teams can follow them. Families can grieve without second-guessing every choice. And your parent? They feel heard.

Yet despite its importance, many families avoid the subject until it’s too late.

Signs It’s Time to Have the Talk

You don’t need to wait for a medical diagnosis or hospital visit. Consider bringing it up when:

• Your parent is aging and generally healthy, but is slowing down

• There’s been a health scare (for them or someone else)

• A major life event happens, such as retirement or loss of a spouse

• They begin asking questions about wills, burial plans, or their legacy

Proactive conversations allow for thoughtful, unhurried planning.

How to Start the Conversation (Without Fear or Resistance)

It’s normal to feel nervous, and your parent may feel anxious, too. Here are ways to approach the topic with care:

1. Begin with curiosity, not control. Say: “Can I ask you something important? Have you ever thought about what you’d want if you couldn’t speak for yourself someday?”

2. Use a story or example. Try: “I saw a story about a woman who didn’t have a living will, and her kids didn’t know what to do… it made me realize how important it is to have that conversation.”

3. Make it about love and legacy. Say: “This isn’t about expecting anything bad to happen—it’s about making sure your voice is heard and your wishes are honored.”

4. Offer to help, not to take over. Say: “If you want, I can help you write things down or talk through your options. You’re in control just want to support you.”

What to Cover in an End-of-Life Conversation

You don’t need to cover everything in one sitting. But over time, these are some key areas:

• Medical care wishes: Life support, resuscitation, hospice, pain management preferences

• Advance directives: Healthcare power of attorney, living will

• Final arrangements: Burial, cremation, funeral preferences

• Personal wishes: Spiritual beliefs, legacy projects, who should be by their side

Tip: Take notes and revisit the conversation as things evolve. It’s a process, not a one-time talk.

What to Do if They Don’t Want to Talk About It

Some parents shut down the conversation out of fear or discomfort. Don’t push plant the seed and revisit it later with patience. Try saying:

“I understand this isn’t something you want to dive into right now. Just know I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

Even small steps, like asking them to choose a medical proxy, can be the beginning.

Tools That Can Help

• The Conversation Project: Free guides to help families talk about end-of-life care

• Five Wishes: A legal document that covers personal, medical, emotional, and spiritual wishes

• A Plan In Place: Senior Care Starter Kit: Download our free guide to begin the journey with confidence and clarity

Final Thought

Talking about death doesn’t hasten it, it prepares you both for it. It’s not a conversation about giving up. It’s a conversation about control, compassion, and care.

When you're ready for guidance, I'm here to help.

About the Author

Susan Myers is the founder of The Aging Society and an End-of-Life Doula. With over 15 years of experience in senior living and a deep commitment to supporting families through every chapter of aging, she helps adult children approach care planning with clarity, compassion, and confidence.